Girls seem to be cold all of the time. No matter how many jackets or sweaters they wear, they always whine about the temperature at your house. It’s freezing in here, they say. Can you turn the heat up a little? You don’t mind; maybe it is cold in your house? How would you know, you’re too busy watching Futurama reruns to pay attention to such things. You’ll close the windows and change the thermostat from a normal temperature to one more suited to a flu-ridden eighty-four year-old. She’ll smile and thank you and you’ll forget all about it. Two weeks later the heat bill will arrive and show that you’ve been burning more oil than Iraqi insurgents. Hmmm… you think, I wonder how that happened? Oh well, I’ll just pay it.
Yes, Ok.
And why does it seem that most girls take at least four showers a day. Not that we men don’t appreciate the lilac smell of their shampoo, or the soft dovey smell of thier skin, but really, 4? Most men can get by on showering, eh, once a day, once every other day. On weekdays when my babygirl spends the night I’m usually awaken by the sound of rushing water in the morning. Take a peek? Definitely. I walk into the bathroom to discover that it’s actually more like a steam room. She’s been in the shower a whole 30 minutes. What on God’s green Earth takes 30 minutes to do in a shower? Do I remind her that I actually have to pay water in my apartments? No. So I forget about it. Two weeks later, bam $90 for water with a premium on hot water. And yes I’ll pay that too.
There is so much more.
- Food and drink. My groceries are $40 more expensive with a girlfriend.
- Everyday she asks me “So what are we doing today?” There goes another $20.
- Her birthday is next week and she constantly reminds me with “What are you getting me?” Another $200.
- I am also her personal taxi. An extra $20 a week on gas.
- I need to buy c0.ndom$ AND personal lub.rike_nt? Geez thats another $20 a week.
- Tonite is a Blockbuster night. Another $10.
You see how this is starting to add up?
Not to mention the extreme cost of keeping up your personal appearance. Forget shaving once a week, try every day. You’ll need all kinds of body spray and cologne to hide your manly fragrance. You’ll also need hair gel, toothpaste, white strips, q-tips, colonics, deodorant, haircuts, back waxes, manicures and eyebrow waxing. All of this to convince her that you’re not the Cheerios eating, smelly, hairy beast you know you are. It never crosses your mind that the $178 you just spent on personal hygiene products is the direct result of your girlfriend’s subtle hints that she won’t be starring in the 2007 remake of Beauty and the Beast.
Girlfriends don’t just cost YOU money, they cost our friend’s money too. They cost us in ways we never imagined.
Think about this: when she dumps you, who’s going to take you out? Who’s going to pay for all those drinks you need to numb the pain? That’s right, your friends will be paying. The average length of post-breakup depression is two months; during that time you will go out approximately four nights a week. If you drink eight $5 drinks a night and your friends pay for half, we’re looking at a two month total of $640. That is $640 that your friends will spend on you all because little miss I-don’t-like-when-you-drink-and-call-me-a-slut had to run out on you. Girlfriends are expensive; there’s no doubt about that.
Yet we never learn.
Alas, girlfriends give us satisfaction and, even though we rarely admit it, they make us better people. We always have clean sheets, we never smell and our hair is always properly gelled.
Sure it’s cheaper to be single in the short term. But if you can trick her into marrying you, then you get to keep her paycheck! (jk)
**DISCLAIMER — For all practical purposes, 1mil is not a macho pig. He dearly loves and respects women despite any misconception. This post is an over dramatization of his experience and is all in fun, –not to be taken seriously or out of context. ***
Also Check out some rebuttals to this Article from our Friends in Personal Finance Blogs:
> Single Ma’s Fabulous Finance
> My Open Wallet
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February 12th, 2007 at 8:53 am
Cute observations…OK, and true. But poor guys would be lost (though richer) without us…ask my husband! LOL
February 12th, 2007 at 9:14 am
Whats funny is that you have a whole blog about how you use to get all these gifts from women.
February 12th, 2007 at 9:18 am
Yes Ironic I know.
February 12th, 2007 at 12:24 pm
I’m a girl.
There’s one reason I wanted to comment, and that is about showering. My hair length has constantly varied. I’ve had short hair, I’ve had long hair, and I’ve even had a G.I. Jane style shaved head. With each variant of hair length, it takes different variants of time to wash. Also, different shampoos and conditioners are needed. Currently, I am growing my hair out long just for the hell of it. Just because I’ve never done it before. (I’ve never had my hair past shoulder length before this, except on a bribe.)
Shaved head is so easy. Rinse your head. Maybe in 2 days, you will need shampoo.
Short hair takes 5-10 minutes and less shampoo and you probably only need conditioner twice a month.
Long hair, on the other hand, gets greasy faster, is most likely damaged with split ends, and more likely to have dandruff. I never had to do this before, but I have to actually wash my hair twice. 1 large pump of my shampoo does no sort of cleaning to my hair. After a rinse, I try again. Finally, it feels like the shampoo actually cleaned my hair.
THEN, I have damaged hair. I have to use conditioner. And I can’t just rub it on and rinse. I have to let it SIT. I have to let it sit for at least 5 minutes to have any damn effect. This amounts to around 20-30 minute showers, and I hate it, and I’m not asking for it. I take showers at night most of the time now because I’m late when I take showers in the mornings. I’m not used to such long showers. I used to be able to take 5 minute, even 2 minute showers, if necessary. But hey, that’s what I get for growing out my hair.
No worries, in a year or two, my hair will be shaved again. But for now, be sympathetic and think about all the water bills that all the girls with long hair have to deal with. You’re lucky to spend only that much.
February 12th, 2007 at 12:31 pm
LoL. lucky eh!
February 12th, 2007 at 1:55 pm
Well I’m about as manly as they come, and my showers are l o n g. Seriously, 30 mins is the minimum for me.
They screwed up when they sold me my condo, because the water is included in my association fee.
I swear when I first moved in, I actually stayed in the shower once so long I got bored! I never thought that would happen. Never.
February 13th, 2007 at 5:36 pm
It could be worse. Think about how it is for my Fella - he has to spend $200 to fly me in for a visit, and then he runs into all the things you listed! Although maybe he saves money since I’m only around for maybe a total of three months out of the year. *shrug*
February 13th, 2007 at 7:00 pm
Yeah long distance relationships.. theres always a catch.. lol
February 13th, 2007 at 9:29 pm
haha..nice post man. Can’t put a $ sign on yo girl.
February 15th, 2007 at 10:16 am
You could think of it as an investment. If you find the right one and want to move in, you save all sorts of money vs. living alone (though you have roommate now). Two incomes and one cable bill is real nice.
February 18th, 2007 at 1:11 pm
$5 per drink means you hang out in the wrong bars, bub.
February 18th, 2007 at 2:47 pm
I like how you obscured the spellings of the specific prophylactic and love grease. Don’t want Google to find those words on your site?
February 18th, 2007 at 3:03 pm
LoL. Yeah I got that one from Single Ma after she posted her rebuttal hehe. I try to keep it rated PG-13 around here, unlike some of my colleagues (FJ!) lol
February 19th, 2007 at 11:47 am
It’s thoroughly repulsive that you call your girlfriend “babygirl.” ICK!
February 20th, 2007 at 2:50 pm
Yeah, everyone has their ‘pet names’ — I personally don’t like being called “honey” despite the obvious reference to my skin complexion. lol. jk
February 20th, 2007 at 2:56 pm
[…] Millionster is such a romantic. For Valentine’s Day he posted on the hidden cost of girlfriends. Single Ma strikes back with the hidden cost of boyfriends. […]
February 25th, 2007 at 8:32 am
[…] Just around Valentine’s day, 1mil at millionster wrote a no holds barred, funny to the bone article titled Love Hurts: The Hidden Cost of Girlfriends. Nothing is safe or sacred in the hands of this guy! […]
February 26th, 2007 at 11:03 pm
Ouch!
Being Caught While Cheating on your Girl On your Own Video!
http://www.liveleak.com/view?i=fd3_1172494896
February 27th, 2007 at 7:55 am
I think one big expense for me has been in the cell phone bill! I remember one month my cell phone bill exploded to 7 times its normal amount. Damn girls, they are lucky they are so soft and smell good!
Great Post!
Cheers,
Tmac
February 27th, 2007 at 11:14 am
Lmao. Yeah I didn’t think of the cell phone thing eh. But then I specifically only date girls that use Sprint PCS so all my calls are free. lol.
March 15th, 2007 at 10:12 pm
[…] Love Hurts, The Hidden Cost of Girlfriends sparked the rebuttal: The Hidden Cost of Having a Boyfriend (you guys cracked me up!) […]
May 10th, 2007 at 8:38 am
[…] I’m sure you’ll enjoy this one if you haven’t read it already. It’s one of the few articles in my entire site that have a page rank of 4. hehe. I’ve got a dentist appointment, and some house hunting to do today, so I’ll see ya later. […]
June 4th, 2007 at 10:49 pm
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH
September 18th, 2007 at 3:22 pm
I love you too! hehe
October 24th, 2007 at 10:42 am
[…] Popular Posts 10 Ways to Increase Your Credit Score (FICO)Love Hurts: The Hidden Cost of GirlfriendsAsk 1mil: How Can I Increase My Credit Score? […]
June 21st, 2008 at 9:06 pm
The costs you list for when she breaks up with you….those are THE COSTS OF BEING SINGLE. You should list them in a SEPARATE column and then do a cost benefit analysis.